This is just a specialized and potentially even more toxic case of dating a best
friend’s ex. I actually know a man who married the sister of his girlfriend of
seven years. You can imagine family Thanksgivings are more than a little
strained. Again, if the two of you feel star-crossed, at least wait a while, and
then don’t share the details but do tell the relative before they find out via
the family grapevine. If at all possible, avoid this plight. If you can’t avoid it,
make sure that your motives are pure, and you’re not acting out of some
ancient feud or competition. Best place to stumble upon on Ex’s are on an online dating site, so make sure to register and meet some cool people.
Archive for October, 2008
Dating Your Relative’s Ex
Friday, October 31st, 2008Senior dating
Friday, October 31st, 2008As we get older and wiser, online dating should get easier, but I’m not sure it ever
really does. If you’re a senior (65 or older), this book may be particularly
useful to figure out what’s changed and what’s the same old story.
If you’re divorced, it’s a good idea to keep your kids in the dark for as long as
possible. Don’t wait until the wedding or the funeral, but reading the section
on single parent dating applies regardless of the age of the “child.”
If you’re widowed, don’t be surprised to find your offspring fairly resistant to a
new date. When it comes to our parents, we’re kinda frozen in amber.
If you’ve never been married, ask yourself why not and what you’re looking
for now (see Part I for information on how to find out about yourself and
what you want).
There are several huge advantages to senior dating:
Women don’t have to worry about getting pregnant.
Men don’t have to worry about borrowing the family car.
You don’t have to ask your parents what time you have to be home
(although you may end up answering to your kids).
You don’t have to worry about your braces locking when you kiss
(although you may have to worry about your canes knocking).
Long-term commitment has a whole different meaning.
You can shop together for eternal housing — a really long-term
commitment.
You don’t have to worry what religion to raise the kids in.
Serial dating
Friday, October 31st, 2008How people date has changed radically through
the years. Chaperones and arranged marriages
are things of the past. Dating a number of people
simultaneously until you could focus on one has
become much less popular due to time involvement
and sexual issues focusing on easily transmittable
and potentially fatal diseases.
The idea of dating one person for awhile until
you either marry or find a reason to move on has
become much more common than at any other
time in human history. While having some obvious
health advantages, serial dating has much
more room for intensity that can be difficult in
the early days of getting to know someone,
lethargy about moving on when faced with the
daunting task of starting over, and mixed and
incompatible messages about the future of any
particular situation.
If I ran the dating world, I would have males and
females hang out in groups for long periods of
time without pairing off. Once the pairings
began, I would encourage multiple pairings (not
necessarily sexual) to allow knowledge of each
other as well as self to proceed with little pressure
to “decide.” Because of the emphasis on
commitment (prematurely as far as I’m concerned),
if things aren’t going swimmingly, there
is a tendency to move on to the next relationship
rather than the next stage of a relationship or to
remain in a relationship that has become static,
because moving on is not possible and moving
out seems too scary and uncertain.
Serial dating is moving on to the next person
rather than the next stage. Simultaneous dating
allows more time with less intensity to explore
who each of you is and what each of you wants
as long as the relationships are not sexual until
both partners are prepared for commitment and
exclusivity. This more restrained approach
allows for self-awareness, friendship, trust, and
compatibility to precede sexual involvement.
Writing High-Quality Dating Profiles-part3
Friday, October 24th, 2008A picture says a thousand words
Clip a photo that’s realistic and not misleading. There are all sorts of pictures that
people post on the web which are quite dishonest, a bit obscene, of poor quality,
and sometimes too formal. The best photo should reveal the normal “you”, since, if
you are dead set on meeting someone you don’t want her to get the shock of her life.
Some photos are lewd and show too much skin just to catch attention. If you are
seriously into online dating site, post a clear, sunny picture of yourself - this is sure to elicit
positive responses from people. Don’t glamorize yourself or post a picture of you
wearing a high school toga.
Polish your profile
Choose the right words and use your grammar or spelling program to polish your
profile. People care about your spelling and grammar because it reflects your
education. At least, show some decency when creating your profile, “The difference
between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between
lightning and a lightning bug,” says Mark Twain. If you’ve written your profile in a
hurry, don’t attempt to post it yet when you have not proofread it for grammatical
and spelling errors. Use your handy word processor programs to clean it for possible
mistakes.
Research the competition
This is what we call the “look, listen, and learn” step. Go ahead and search for
yourself after you’ve published your ad. If you see yourself in the page of search
results and your existing ad doesn’t “jump” off the page at you as a reader – consider
revising your ad to play off the surrounding.
For example, you search for your ad only to find that you’re surrounded mostly by
guys using cheesy one-liners and looking for something to screw in between football
games you might modify your ad title/introduction to say something like;
“Waiter, I ordered my pickup lines without cheese”
“While they’re watching football, we can watch a movie”
Be original but don’t overdo it.
Your originality is a major factor for an attractive profile. Search yourself for any
unusual interests and unique characteristics. If you like art, for instance, mention
specifically if you’ve ever painted or done some digital designing yourself, and what
kind of design software you like to use. A good novel writer does not use bland
adjectives and describe in nebulous concepts. You’re not a novel writer but your goal
is to make your online profile more interesting. All of us have normal ways of doing
things but if you got something to tell - a passion for exotic animals, or a collection
of snow gears - don’t hesitate to include it in your profile.
Writing High-Quality Dating Profiles-part2
Friday, October 24th, 2008The introduction is your own personal summary
Your introduction should be just as attractive. When you compose your introduction
line it must be intriguing enough to compel your reader to continue on. Generally
you’re limited on the size of your introduction to anywhere from a few hundred
words up to 1,000. Make this count and keep it pretty much to the point.
Avoid clichés like the plague
Don’t bother with clichés and other trite phrases. Being unoriginal and typecast may
work for bands like Nickleback but it won’t get you laid - avoid the usual titles at all
costs. The secret is to be as specific as possible: name a strange incident or
experience, an eerie quote from your favorite author, or a bit of a background that
would define who you are. I personally find it best to write a draft first then revise
it, which brings us to the next topic…
Some common clichés that you see all the time:
Love is a many splendored thing.
It sure is, but this cliché is used so often that no “love” will come from it.
All things grow with love.
Again, same situation. It sounds great but is so overused that it will not garnish any
attention.
Make it count, condense your draft.
No one wants to read a wordy profile that conveys no message. Many free online dating site profiles
suffer in the dark oblivion without hope of getting looked at because they fail to
relate anything interesting about the author to the person reading. You might be the
most romantic, handsome, charismatic guy in the world but you’re online appearance
is that of a 14 year old who can’t spell or form complete sentences. Put some time
into the “flow” of your summary. Make it count, it’s the second most important part
of your online profile.
Writing High-Quality Dating Profiles-part1
Friday, October 24th, 2008Not all people are blessed with the knack of writing an excellent dating profile.
Doing it is a lot like composing an ad that is meant to attract potential buyers - it has
to be convincing, appealing and honest (to a degree). If it’s your first time to design
your own dating profile, here are the nuts and bolts to guide you.
Just a little note to the ladies: Most of the examples I use are for men. Women tend
not to have problems getting responses from guys inside online dating sites (guys usually
blast out messages to just about anyone, women are more specific). If you need
advice on writing a good female ad many of these rules still apply, so fear not and
keep reading.
Titles are the most important part of an ad
Use a catchy and interesting title. Since everyone is going to read your profile, you
should make it as original, honest and easy to remember as possible. Get your ideas
from your own interests , experiences, and personality but don’t just say you’re
spontaneous and exciting – prove it! Above all - you’ve got to be unique (very, very
unique)
Examples of good and bad titles:
Fun guy looking for fun girl.
Too general, no one looks for dull girls – an no fun girls look through dull profiles.
Let me show you what a real man is like.
Immediately after which they’ll show you the ‘block user button’ this is way to
intimidating and challenging to a mate.
Will you guide my way?
Approaching “decent” level profile title. It definitely stands out from the others but
most women are looking for a package with all it’s nuts and bolts – no assembly
required if you know what I mean.
LOST: True love, reward if found.
Bingo, though it’s pretty general the title is definitely unique and will get the reader
past the initial first click. The introduction should reflect a caring, compassionate,
and romantic person just like the title indicates.
Skydiving accountant seeking rock-climbing business woman
Another good one liner. The activity describes the person so much more than just an
adjective like “exciting” or “adventurous” could.