How people date has changed radically through
the years. Chaperones and arranged marriages
are things of the past. Dating a number of people
simultaneously until you could focus on one has
become much less popular due to time involvement
and sexual issues focusing on easily transmittable
and potentially fatal diseases.
The idea of dating one person for awhile until
you either marry or find a reason to move on has
become much more common than at any other
time in human history. While having some obvious
health advantages, serial dating has much
more room for intensity that can be difficult in
the early days of getting to know someone,
lethargy about moving on when faced with the
daunting task of starting over, and mixed and
incompatible messages about the future of any
particular situation.
If I ran the dating world, I would have males and
females hang out in groups for long periods of
time without pairing off. Once the pairings
began, I would encourage multiple pairings (not
necessarily sexual) to allow knowledge of each
other as well as self to proceed with little pressure
to “decide.” Because of the emphasis on
commitment (prematurely as far as I’m concerned),
if things aren’t going swimmingly, there
is a tendency to move on to the next relationship
rather than the next stage of a relationship or to
remain in a relationship that has become static,
because moving on is not possible and moving
out seems too scary and uncertain.
Serial dating is moving on to the next person
rather than the next stage. Simultaneous dating
allows more time with less intensity to explore
who each of you is and what each of you wants
as long as the relationships are not sexual until
both partners are prepared for commitment and
exclusivity. This more restrained approach
allows for self-awareness, friendship, trust, and
compatibility to precede sexual involvement.
Posts Tagged ‘dating article’
Serial dating
Friday, October 31st, 2008Some secrets about women mom part2
Sunday, June 29th, 2008OK. Let’s talk about what we can actually LEARN
from this kind of phenomenon which would help you in Free online dating site
The thing that really fascinates me about
people is THEIR ABILITY TO HAVE NO IDEA WHAT’S
GOING ON… even though it’s going on IN PLAIN
SIGHT ALL AROUND THEM… and the even MORE amazing
tendency to ARGUE VIOLENTLY WHEN one of these
OBVIOUS THINGS IS PRESENTED TO THEM.
I’ve read some fascinating books about the
concept of “self-deception”, and I’ve come to
realize that we humans have an amazing capacity
for not seeing what’s there… to the point where
it can be very bad for us.
Like I just said, we often ARGUE about things
that are OBVIOUS to others… which makes it even
worse.
I need to stop ranting and raving, and land the
plane on this one…
This mechanism is, of course, a survival
mechanism that helps us to weed out all of the
useless information that’s coming in through our
senses at any given time, but it can go overboard
and prevent us from seeing USEFUL information as
well.
Next Point: A lot of our cultural and social
programming is “off-base” to some degree, which
causes us to see things and interpret things
incorrectly when we do see them.
Finally, we humans don’t like to change our
beliefs about things. We don’t like to admit that
we might be wrong in the first place, and we feel
unstable or insecure when we realize that a
fundamental truth we have held all our life is
incorrect.
Lump all of this together, and you have moms
who teach their sons the “proper” way to act and
men who have NO IDEA how to be successful with
women… and then women who REALLY get upset when
you actually start teaching men what WORKS to
attract women (for more evidence of this, just
read some of these newsletters I’m sending you!)
Wow, I’m really going on an unusually
intellectual rant today! Nice. This is making me
feel pretty smart… I think I’ll keep it up…
So, what’s all this information good for?
Well, to start off, I think that it’s important
in life to continually question YOUR OWN beliefs
about how things work and what is possible.
I think it’s also good to constantly question
your LIMITING beliefs.
Unfortunately, most people do the opposite…
they question their ability to succeed and they
doubt their own ability to get what they want.
Most people constantly “self-sabotage”
themselves.
If instead, you question your LIMITATIONS and
your LIMITING BELIEFS, and you constantly look
with your own eyes to see if there’s something
going on that nobody mentioned to you, then you’ll
begin to see things that will blow your mind.
It took me about 4 or 5 years to realize that
ATTRACTION ISN’T A CHOICE. But as soon as I say
it, you can immediately get what I’m talking
about, and maybe even have a profound realization
that will lead to success.
The phrase “Attraction Isn’t A Choice” makes
you have the “ah ha” that you can’t make a woman
feel attraction for you by CONVINCING her… so
you STOP.
Now, I didn’t figure this out by having someone
TELL it to me. I figured it out by questioning the
things I was hearing, and by following my own
intuition that there was a SOLUTION to this puzzle
called “women and dating”.
So, here’s a “home work” assignment for you:
1 - Write down all of the things that SHOULD work
when it comes to making women feel attracted to
you. This might include buying gifts and food,
giving constant compliments, and acting “nice”.
2 - Write down your own personal experience of
what ACTUALLY HAPPENS when you do these “socially
correct things that mom taught you” with women.
3 - Pretend for a moment that everything you’ve
been taught about women is wrong. Furthermore,
pretend that women are actually wired in REVERSE.
If this were true, what kinds of things would
result in a woman feeling ATTRACTION for a man?
Does this open up some new possibilities for
you?
I invite you to question “common sense” and
“what your mother taught you” about women.
I also invite you to come and learn some of the
VERY ILLOGICAL, YET INCREDIBLY POWERFUL techniques
that I’ve learned, developed, refined, and
described in my Advanced Dating Techniques CD/DVD
program.
The ideas that I’ve just discussed are part of
what I consider to be the “Inner Game” of dating
success.
Most guys spend almost NO time working on their
Inner Game… instead, they spend time learning
things like “pick up lines” and other almost
USELESS stuff.
If you don’t have your “Inner Game” together,
you’ll never be effective with “techniques and
tricks”.
In my Advanced Dating Techniques program, I
spend several HOURS teaching you one Inner Game
technique after another… showing you how to
overcome fear, improve your self image and self
esteem… and get past limiting beliefs that stop
you from even TRYING to meet women.
If you’re like me, and you’ve had a lot of
negative programming earlier in life, then you
MUST get that stuff handled. It’s not going to
handle itself… YOU have to do it.
Article is from newsletter from David Deangelo
Try the learned tricks at Free Dating site
Confidence is a key to attract women
Sunday, June 29th, 2008***Free Online DATING QUESTION FROM A READER***
A success story with a question and lessons
learned the hard way.
Question: perhaps you have addressed this before,
but why do women choose unstable “losers” over
stable, “good guys” like me? One may noticed this
and labeled it the “SPCA” syndrome: “Society for
Prevention of Cruelty to Animals.” In other words,
the woman goes for the “stray,” not the “well-
bread.”
I think it goes to the issue of challenge, which
has two aspects. One is “benign”: the man has to
be a challenge in the sense that he is not too
available. Another, which is negative, is the man
is so “damaged” that he presents a challenge in
another, less benign way: the woman wants to “fix”
him. I heard Dr. Laura the other day, although I
usually cannot stand her. Some dimwit woman
called in and said she had been dating guy A, who
was nice, and was now dating A’s friend, B, and
she did not know what to do. A was a good guy and
stable, B was a lowlife but was “exciting.” Dr.
“Queen of Life” jumped all over her, asking this
genius how she would answer the same question if
her own daughter asked her that question. It was
clear by the idiot’s “OK” after being given this
advice that she did not get the answer she wanted
and will probably stick with B.
Success story: Confidence.
1. Parents and religion. About 10 years ago, I
was dating a surgeon who was Jewish. I am not
Jewish, so that made a big difference and was
ultimately one of two factors leading to our
demise (the other was that I could not trust her).
She told me her parents did not approve of me
since I was non-Jewish. I just told her to her
face, “I don’t care what your parents think. I’m
not here to please them.” I think this took her
by surprise and increased her respect for me.
You my want to do columns on these if you have not
done so already: dealing with parents; dealing
with different religions.
2. Signs that you are confident. Every dating
advisor stresses male confidence. Watch the
woman’s actions and listen to her words to detect
if your confidence is “showing” or “hitting.” The
surgeon gave me two of the greatest compliments I
ever received, which confirmed that I was “doing
things right.” Both were out of the blue. One:
“I can’t figure you out.” Two: ”I never know
what you are going to do next.”
Suggestions:
1. Criteria. Before arranging a blind date, be
sure to the extent possible that you ensure the
woman meets your “criteria.” DO NOT BE SHY ABOUT
THIS. For example, a friend of mine (I will call
her “A”), working through a friend of hers (”B”),
set me up with a blind date I will call “Carol”. I
drove about 30 minutes to meet the woman. When I
saw her, I immediately knew I did not like her
looks. The “clincher” occurred as we approached
the hostess, who asked us where we wanted to sit.
“Carol” immediately said something like, “I have
to sit somewhere I can smoke.” At that point, the
date was effectively over because I am vehemently
nonsmoking. It is simply not negotiable with me.
So, we sat at a table to the side of the
restaurant instead of a waterfront table.
LESSON: neither my friend nor I remembered to
check for smoking. And, while I went ahead and had
the dinner, I lost about an hour’s driving time
and the time and money for the meal with nothing
in return. The experience was a complete waste
except to re- learn the lesson: ensure the woman
is a nonsmoker.
Another interesting tactic would, after she said
something about smoking, be to say, “I’m sorry. I
did not realize you were a smoker. You know,
really, since I do not smoke the evening will be a
waste of your time and mine, so let’s call it
quits.” And then I should have then simply left.
The problem is that this action would have gotten
me in trouble with my good friend “A.”
2. Eject after her infidelity. After you have
been dating a woman and the two of you have been
exclusive, at the first sign of her infidelity,
PUSH EJECT AND DUMP HERE. Infidelity is an
irreparable breach of trust and cannot be
repaired. I tried to fix a relationship after such
an incident, and she continued to remain in touch
with her “secondary lover.” Despite advice to
dump her and her continuing affection toward me, I
held on for a few more months, which were
miserable, before finally pushing EJECT and
unilaterally dumping her with no warning or
discussion. The lesson is: pay attention to what
women DO, not to what they SAY.
C. J.
>>>MY COMMENTS:
First of all, thank you for taking the time to
think this through and for clearly communicating
the points you’ve made. You’ve brought up some
important ideas, and I’d like to comment on them.
ON THE DR. LAURA STORY AND YOUR QUESTION…
One of the things that Dr. Laura doesn’t get in
this particular situation goes a little something
like this:
THE WOMAN IN THE STORY WASN’T USING LOGIC TO
DECIDE WHICH MAN TO FEEL ATTRACTED TO, SO TRYING
TO CONVINCE HER WITH LOGIC IS A WASTE OF TIME.
Now, you made some valid points about the woman
enjoying the “challenge” of the “stray” and/or of
the “unavailable” guy.
This is good stuff, and it’s accurate.
But, the REAL key to this situation is that
ATTRACTION ISN’T A CHOICE. Attraction is a
POWERFUL EMOTIONAL and PHYSICAL response.
And, as you might know, when you’re feeling a
powerful emotion, it’s difficult, or in many
cases, almost impossible to override that emotion
with LOGIC.
The woman is clearly ATTRACTED to the
“lowlife”, but she also knows in her MIND that she
“should” stay with the “stable nice guy”.
EMOTION beats LOGIC any day of the week when it
comes to attraction and female behavior.
Being a challenge and being unavailable are
things that TRIGGER the emotion, but once it’s
triggered then there’s not much that a woman can
do about it.
And as you noticed, not even advice from the
“first lady” of relationship logic can change it.
So to answer your question, the reason why
women “choose” unstable losers over stable guys
like you is…
THEY DON’T CHOOSE AT ALL.
There is no logical “decision” being made. When
it comes to ATTRACTION, “choosing” doesn’t even
come into play.
If you want women to feel that powerful emotion
called ATTRACTION for you, then you need to learn
how to communicate and behave in the way that
TRIGGERS ATTRACTION.
Newsletter Article by David Deaneglo
Check out Free Dating