Jun 04
- What’s the difference between a violin and a viola?
- There is no difference. The violin just looks smaller because the violinist’s head is so much bigger.
- What’s the difference between a violin and a fiddle?
- A fiddle is fun to listen to.
- Why are viola jokes so short?
- So violinists can understand them.
- How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog?
- The dog knows when to stop scratching.
- How many second violinists does it take to change a light bulb?
- None. They can’t get up that high!
- String players’ motto: “It’s better to be sharp than out of tune.”
- Why is a violinist like a SCUD missile?
- Both are offensive and inaccurate.
- Why don’t viola players suffer from piles (hæmorrhoids)?
- Because all the assholes are in the first violin section.
- What’s the difference between a fiddle and a violin?
- No-one minds if you spill beer on a fiddle.
- Why do violinists put a cloth between their chin and their instrument?
- Violins don’t have spit valves.
- Why should you never try to drive a roof nail with a violin?
- You might bend the nail.
A violinist says to his wife, “Oh, baby, I can play you just like my violin.”
His wife replies, “I’d rather have you play me like a harmonica!”
Jacques Thibault, the violinist, was once handed an autograph book by a fan while in the greenroom after a concert. “There’s not much room on this page,” he said. “What shall I write?”
Another violinist, standing by, offered the following helpful hint: “Write your repertoire.”
“Haven’t I seen your face before?” a judge demanded, looking down at the defendant.
“You have, Your Honor,” the man answered hopefully. “I gave your son violin lessons last winter.”
“Ah, yes,” recalled the judge. “Twenty years!”